i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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