I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
