____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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