Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
