My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
