holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize