the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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