my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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