She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
