do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
