If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
