You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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