At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
