I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize