Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
