someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
