I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We had to coat check the pizza.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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