Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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