is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I need to calm my uterus...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize