in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
