If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
