and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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