Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
