im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
