where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
