I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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