wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
