I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
