It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
NoShamevember. You game?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
