You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
