I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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