Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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