Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
