yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
