Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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