people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There's always time for handjobs
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
