You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
