I wish i was in the wii world.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
