My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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