Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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