A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
