Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
