I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I will be naked everywhere
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
