Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
