so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
