so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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