i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize