id be glad to
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I could fuck to npr.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
