You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
