you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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