I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
