y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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