sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
