I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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