Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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