She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
