So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
