I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
