32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
