I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
