my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
