3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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