I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It's Friday. Sex?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
