Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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