I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
