i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
