Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
