That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
