Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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