I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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