In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Come share oat with me in your robe
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
