woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
