she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My dick has a subreddit
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
