I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
