I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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