good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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