I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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