if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
