I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize