Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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