A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
