Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
